Diary of a Twitter Addict

June 3

6:10pm Just joined Twitter! I read about it in Wired Magazine, it sounds kind of neat. I made my first post and told everyone what I’m doing right now. No followers yet, but I’m sure I’ll have some soon!

June 4

8:41pm Two more posts today, but still no followers. I feel kind of silly, like I’m talking to myself in an empty room. And who cares if I’m typing right now or drinking peppermint tea?

June 5

6:17pm I posted the message “I’m twittering instead of living” and signed off. Twitter is stupid.

October 28

1:23pm I am so bored today–work is really dragging. I think I’ll log onto Twitter again and follow Barack Obama. I wonder if he ever responds to messages from his followers?

2:58pm Hey, look at that! I just got three followers! I think I’ll follow them back. I wonder who else is on here?

4:19pm Japanese poop museum? Oh, Guy Kawasaki, where have you been all my life?

6:21pm Ha! That’s funny, someone just turned the lights out on me. They must not know I’m still in my cubicle! Well, I better get home and feed my cat. I’ll just set up my smartphone first, for the ride home, in case anything really exciting happens…

November 19

3:09pm Wow! I’ve got thirty followers! I never realized there were so many social media experts out there.

December 3

7:13am Calling in sick to work again today. Nobody’s going to miss me anyway, I mean, how many other accountants are there in San Diego? Besides, I’ve got an important hashtag conference on Web 2.0 Marketing at 9:00am that I absolutely can’t miss.

7:37am TWITTER IS STRESSED OUT?! WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN? I just need to tweet one freaking thing to @SOCKINGTON!

11:23am Off to Best Buy for a new mouse. Broke the old one clicking refresh.

1:17pm Ack! I forgot my phone. I’ve got so many funny tweets for my tweeps! Wait, I think @problogger said its bad etiquette to tweet too much at once. I wonder if there’s a way I can space them out?

1:19pm Hello, Twuffer!

6:24pm I think I’ll try Tweetlater instead. Wait a minute, does this say you can automatically follow people that follow you? That’s pretty tweet, ahem, sweet!

1:31am Neh, not exactly what I expected. Hmmm… Futuretweets…

Jan 20

1:04pm Oh, glorious day! Change has finally come to Twitter! I wish I could tweet my tears and bathe the entire twitterverse in my joy!

Jan 25

11:21am Ahhh, Saturday. Opened Splitweet, Twhirl and TweetDeck at the same time. I like to let them race. Listening to the notification sounds with my eyes closed calms my nerves.

Feb 1

7:13am Twitemperature said I was ice cold yesterday. I could only muster 37 tweets–guess I’m not feeling well. That’s it, I’m taking an offline day.

7:44am Thought I’d log in, just in case someone DM’d me. Three @s from strangers and an auto-reply.

Feb 2

4:07am On page 19 of Mr. Tweet’s suggestions for “Influencers in My Network.” Following them all; don’t know why. I’ve been very concerned about my Twitter Karma lately.

4:38am Comparing my scores on TwitterGrader. Bah, are you kidding? Timothy Ferriss has a perfect score? He doesn’t even tweet, and when he does he’s just bragging that he read one paragraph of a blog or that he’s molesting another third world country on his snowmobile or something. If he followed me I’d give him a nasty DM right now.

Feb 10

6:21am Hashtagging the Michael Phelps incident. No one seems aware of the obvious pun here. It’s like I’m talking to myself in an empty room. A few non-Twitter friends invited me offline tomorrow. I think I’ll go for it.

Feb 11

7:41am Heading to Ensenada for some sun and surfing. Leaving the smartphone at home.

3:33pm Brought the phone after all, just in case of an emergency, you know? Only sent 3 tweets while surfing, didn’t use mobile web. TXT tweets don’t count, right?

11:29pm Stopped in Tijuana for dinner and got mugged. Dude got my phone. He let me lick a dumpster in exchange for one more tweet, though. Nice guy, all things considered. I’d follow him.