Dear Capital One Bank…

Capital One
Attn: General Correspondence
PO Box 30285
Salt Lake City, UT 84130-0285

To whom it may concern:

Thank you for the convenient blank checks I received yesterday in the mail! I may not use those linked directly to my credit card account, but those checks you also sent me that are directly attached to my neighbor Mike’s credit card, well, I think I can “use those checks with confidence.”

Oh, I'm very confident this time.

Yes, Mike’s checks will come in handy. I always thought identity theft was a tricky endeavor, but when you stuff blank checks into the wrong envelope, well, it can’t be easier! This will help me stimulate the economy with essential purchases like folding bicycle wheels and recycled dog doo.

Found together in the same envelope. Glad my name was in the little cellophane window...

I was wondering, could you also please email me (I don’t get awards from RecycleBank for recycling paper so paper mail is just a hassle) Mike’s account balance so I know exactly how much of his money is available to spend? That would be super. Heck, if you’ve got an extra minute, you can just send me a card too.

Thanks again, Capital One. It’s nice to know what’s in my wallet: Mike’s money.

Sincerely,

Ron

NOTE: I shredded both sets of checks, despite the little red dude on my shoulder poking me in the ear with his forked tail.  I wonder how confident Mike would feel right now if he knew…