Every day, our children encounter an environment filled with potential hazards and disorder-causing stimuli. As parents, we simply cannot relax, not even a little. From evil wheat gluten spawning Asperger’s syndrome to spawning King Mackerel committing acts of chemical warfare on the unborn, nothing is safe.
Recently, my daughter has been acting wonky. And we’re not talking a normal level of wonky—I mean mega wonky. I was initially worried that she might have Attention Deficit Disorder. When I did some research, I found that she exhibits all of the symptoms:
(Thanks to helpguide.com for the following list)
- Doesn’t pay attention to details or makes careless mistakes
- Has trouble staying focused; is easily distracted
- Appears not to listen when spoken to
- Has difficulty remembering things and following instructions
- Has trouble staying organized, planning ahead, and finishing projects
- Frequently loses or misplaces homework, books, toys, or other items
Then I remembered she’s a deaf toddler. Scratch that hypothesis.
No, this wasn’t ADD or ADHD or even ABCD. There were other unique symptoms in the mix that Google couldn’t compute. I was dealing with an entirely new disorder. My daughter was:
- Annoyed with my inability to devote unlimited attention to her
- Unwilling to perform even the simplest tasks on her own
- Constantly asking for cake, candy and other sweets
I reviewed the last two weeks in my mind, considering every possible environmental stimulus that my daughter has encountered, searching for the cause of this bizarre behavior. We went on an 1800 mile road trip to celebrate a wedding in Texas—in which she was the flower girl—so this was no easy task. From interstate exhaust to chocolate deer, there were literally thousands of factors that could contribute to her current wonky behavior.
Still, I think I have discovered the culprit: Grandparents.
Yes, I believe my daughter has G.A.D.D.: Grandparent Attention Deficit Disorder. That’s right, my daughter is suffering from a deficit of grandparent attention. Her grandparent attention levels were through the roof for almost seven days and now she’s experiencing withdrawals.
Fortunately, Memorial Day has arrived, so she’ll be able to substitute grandparent attention with mother attention. Let’s just hope she doesn’t wind up with Mother Attention Deficit Disorder on Tuesday—because that acronym is already taken.
Oh, yes, those grandparents will get you every time.
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