The Aliens Can't Cure My Mother Because the Government Won't Let Them Out of their Cages

"I hope you know that you've completely ruined this TV dinner..." (Photo: Roswell Daily Record, 1947)

I’m packing up my daughters up tomorrow night to make the 500 mile road trip south to see my mom in Roswell, New Mexico—my bizarre little birthplace in the desert.  I know you’ve grown accustomed to my cracking jokes, but this time I’m being serious: my mother has cancer, a very rare form of ocular melanoma, which has spread to her liver and recently taken a turn for the worse.

But, for those conspiracy theorists out there who are still stuck on the fact that I mentioned Roswell, the reluctant mecca for all who believe in government coverups, here’s a piece of twisted irony for you:

Yes, my mother’s illness could likely be cured by the extraterrestrials that made my hometown famous, aliens that were probably snooping around New Mexico in 1947 because of atomic bomb testing—the same bomb tests that possibly caused my mother’s cancer in the first place.

She’s the youngest of twelve children, seven currently living with cancer and two who’ve already died from it, and her family lived close enough to the bomb tests that they often found radiation-measuring weather balloons crashed on their property.

That’s right, weather balloons just like the one that was used to cover up the UFO crash in Roswell.

Freaky stuff.

This is my concluding post for the 2nd Annual May Blogathon. We’re celebrating with a Wrap Party tomorrow on Twitter at 8:30am PST, if you’d like to listen in at hashtag #MayBlog2.

I’d like to thank my fellow participants for sharing their remarkable writings with the world: